10) Require that patients receive new, clean sticks to bite on before operations.
9) Treat post-traumatic stress disorder with counseling instead of sneaking up behind patients and popping paper bag.
8) Sterilize the area beneath rug before sweeping wounded under it.
7) Use red tape and yellow ribbons as bandages.
6) Update current veteran health care manual (originally written by George S. Patton).
5) Remove co-pay requirement from all leechings.
4) Fill IVs with medicine instead of holy water.
3) Provide body armor against the rats and mold.
2) Keep wounded away from cancerous assholes.
1) Surgically remove the “dis” from “disgraceful care for our wounded soldiers.”