FEMALE VOICE OVER (sultry)
Are you a Christian guy looking for some young, attractive, girls who just want to talk? Do you want to have some good, clean fun right from the comfort of your own home? Then call 1-900-ABSTAIN.
A GUY calls GIRL on the phone. She’s in the kitchen.
Hi, what’s your name?
I’m Betty. What’s yours, cutie?
Oooh, I love guys with Biblical names.
1-800-ABSTAIN connects you with the hottest non-action anywhere, letting you talk to girls who will indulge all of your hottest non-sexual fantasies.
So what are you doing?
BETTY (putting a pie in the oven)
Baking a pie.
LEVI (pulling at collar)
Oh, I love pie. What kind?
Cherry, of course!
All of our girls are saving themselves for marriage and won’t give in no matter how hard you tempt them.
Now it’s your turn, what’s your favorite Bible story?
LEVI (lowering voice)
Definitely David and Bethsheba.
Levi, you’re so naughty. Someone might smite you for that.
Oh, I need a smiting. I’m downright wicked.
And with 1-900-ABSTAIN, you’re not limited to just one girl. Bring another girl on the line to double your fun.
BETTY (slicing the pie)
Oh, my girlfriend Veronica just showed up.
Veronica, would you like a slice of my cherry pie? It’s a little warm, though.
That’s okay, I love warm pie.
LEVI (wiping brow)
I like it warm, too…with whipped cream on top.
Ooh, good idea. Let me just shake this up…(sound of whip cream spraying).
Veronica! You’re spraying whipped cream all over my pie!
Sorry, sometimes I can't control myself. (Taking a bite) Oh my gosh, this tastes so good. It’s so sweet and warm.
You got some on your lips.
VERONICA (licks her lips)
Mmmm, did I lick it all off?
LEVI (falls out of his chair)
Are you okay, Levi?
Yeah, I gotta go. Nice talking with you.
Take care of yourself , Levi.
Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.
Or we’ll both have to smite you.
So what are you waiting for? Call 1-900-ABSTAIN for non-stop pure fun with Christian girls who don’t beat around the bush when it comes to abstinence.
$4.95 for the first minute, $1.95 for each additional minute. In case of arousal consult Genesis 38: 8-10. Not responsible for any unintended erections, blue balls, eternal damnation or divine retribution. This service brought to you by Citizens Hoping Youth Abstain from Rutting, Intercourse, Groping, Humping and Temptation.