It’s one more random than 10!
I promise that this post will be Burt-Reynolds-link free. Although I did send that link to Dr. Trapper (of Vegas fame) and told him I found his Halloween costume. (Trapper looks a bit like Burt circa The Longest Yard.) Speaking of which, he and Dr. Hawkeye came up with a hilarious idea for a poster: the two of them sitting in a hot tub, shirtless and serious, with a caption that says, “Shhhh…just let it happen.” My brother Tickle and I think Hawkeye should have his own reality show called, No, Really, I’m a Doctor. It would consist of Hawkeye doing things like running through a hotel hallway in scrubs and a fetish mask (note: I’m not making that up) and then providing medical assistance to people. Instant hit, although it would ruin his professional career and possibly his marriage.
Now for some tunes to wash those images out of your minds….
1) “Gimme Shelter,” The Rolling Stones. It’s difficult to not think of a Scorsese film when this plays, especially the Headshotpalooza that was The Departed. Note to filmmakers: if you have so many people getting shot in the head that people are actually laughing at the end of your non-comedy movie, you have too many people getting shot in the head. I also find it funny that this has become the signature Stones song when the signature of this song is the female vocal from a non-Stone. Great tune, though, exit wounds and all.
2) “Bone Machine,” The Pixies. Filthbot could have a field day with that title. Also an apt description for how most men feel at age 19, when you can’t put two thoughts together without getting an erection. You know how they say with age comes wisdom? It happens for men because once you reach a certain age, you can think for more than 10 minutes without sex getting in the way. I am amazed I graduated from college considering I was in a constant state of sexual distraction.
3) “What I See,” Dirty Projectors. HATE. It’s leftover audio casserole, the equivalent of someone finding mustard, noodles, strawberry jam, broccoli, and jerky and saying, “We can totally make a song out of that.” Blech.
4) “The Fool on the Hill,” The Beatles. This, on the other hand, is how you put together ingredients you normally wouldn’t find in a rock song and still make it appetizing. And LOL at the video. Is it wrong that I kind of miss our former president? Couldn't we have set up some kind of Truman Show situation where he thought he was still the president, and we all got to watch and mock him, but he couldn't fuck anything up anymore?
5) “So Here We Are,” Bloc Party. Sometimes you just need some pretty in your day, and this is a beautiful song: little chiming guitars, soft vocals, but drums that are busy enough to keep it out of the soft rock bin. Like we’re going to hug it out and talk about our feelings, but I’ll still seem like a dude, even if I tear up a little.
6) “Bring the Noise,” Anthrax/Public Enemy. TURN IT UP!!! They should have just broken the rap metal mold after this was made, because this is as good as that rancid subgenre will ever get. This came out when I was wide awake in Bonerland (i.e. college), and it was good enough that I could forget about sex for the few minutes that I was bouncing to it. It also reminds me of my friend Moe, a huge metalhead who also happened to be black (one of the great stereotype-shattering moments in my life). In fact, we became friends when we worked together because he loved my idea to have a lounge act that played nothing but Metallica songs. We would croon together in cocktail-singer style (snapping our fingers, of course), “You must die…when I say die…back to the front.” We would play "Bring the Noise" at the bars and instantly clear the dance floor so we could slam to it.
7) “Crazy on You,” Heart. I do miss the non-essential acoustic guitar opening a lot of 70s rock songs had, when the band would let the guitar player wank on a classical guitar for a minute while the other members did some lines and got ready to do another take. One of Ann Wilson’s best vocals. "Cra-a-a-zy on you!"
8) “Bleeding Powers,” Ted Leo and Pharmacists. Bands steal from the 80s so much these days it’s a wonder the kids aren’t tight-rolling their pants. I’m fine with this thievery—I liked a lot of 80s music, and production and fashion issues aside, think it was a pretty good decade for music. What’s great about Ted Leo is that he encapsulates 80s indie/punk/college rock without sounding like an ancient artifact or that he’s aping what came before. He just cranks out tune after tune of heartfelt, energetic, guitar-driven rock.
9) “Sway,” Bic Runga. It seems like a lot of people with great voices spend most of their musical careers letting you know they have great voices. While there is a great deal of (justifiable) fun poked at guitar/drum/bass wankery, the vocal wankery of the world’s Mariahs and Celines is just as annoying. So it’s nice to hear someone like Bic Runga, who can go huge with her voice, dropping it down to give the verses some warm piano-bar intimacy. This is the kind of stuff that should be idolized by Americans.
10) “Achin’ to Be,” The Replacements. Now this is what an achy, breaky heart sounds like.
11) “Trip Like I Do,” The Crystal Method. How can you go wrong with samples from The Dark Crystal? That’s a trick question: you can’t go wrong with samples from The Dark Crystal (note: highly clickworthy). One of my favorite electronic songs of all time, because when the song kicks it up at the midway point, I feel like I’m in an action movie, falling down a 100-story building while three killer robots are plunging after me, giving me just enough time to turn in mid-air and blast them with my ion wrist cannon, clearing the way for my talking chimp sidekick Dr. Sassafras to rescue me at the last minute in our hovercraft, where I land on the waterbed next to my female co-star, who says “I always knew you’d fall for me” just before the credits roll.
No, I’m really not a virgin.
Have a great weekend.