12) Sporting the latest tinfoil hat from Armani’s new Anti-Fed-ora line.
11) Dressing like the Malbaro Man while riding our dressage horses.
10) Getting Social Security expenses under control by cutting all funding for health care, environmental protection, food regulations, and anti-smoking laws.
9) Using only Aqua Net in our hair.
8) Buying a 50lb barrel of Grey Poupon at Costco.
7) Reassuring Evangelical voters that no one supports marriage more than Mormons.
6) Proclaiming how supportive we are of stay-at-home moms, especially when they spend their days dealing with from those promiscuous, unmarried whores who need to drop their bastard kids off at daycare before getting their lazy asses to their nannying jobs at our house.
5) Showing that we support and understand the plight of our troops because we went to battle every day when we were in the trenches at the New York Stock Exchange.
4) Putting “Buy American” bumper stickers on every Cadillac we own.
3) Saying we didn’t need the extra regulation and expense of government-funded mortgage relief when it took us six days to find a buyer for our backup vacation home on Cape Cod.
2) Changing out of our Brooks Brothers slacks and into a pair of Levis before we start talking out of our ass.
1) Supporting a Stand Your Ground Law to remove that black intruder from our White House.