10) Setting up a private tour of Augusta with our niece, Lacey Underalls.
9) Sending him a coupon for “all he can eat” at the local Perkins.
8) Offering a lucrative sponsorship from Trojan.
7) Changing the green jacket from a sport coat to a smoking jacket.
6) Providing free transportation from the Bang Bus.
5) Letting him motorboat our breasts (Phil Mickelson only).
4) Sticking a monogrammed Fleshlight in his bag.
3) Promoting awareness of sexual addiction by wearing penis-shaped ribbons.
2) Sending him a congratulatory text message that says, "way 2 swing out of that rough and stick it in the hole."
1) Forgiving his years of appalling, adulterous behavior the second he makes an exciting shot.