10) Because our Daddy is the bestest Daddy evar!
9) Girlfriend brought us Panera’s newest sandwich, Focaccia a la File.
8) Reached plea bargain to do community service in form of jailhouse-themed porn.
7) We only peddled our political authority for sex and money. It’s not like we sold drugs.
6) Needed to be out by the season finale.
5) The rule of law is no match for the power of TMZ.com!
4) Cashed in our “Survive 21 Waterboardings, Get Out of Jail Free! Card” with the US military.
3) Took advice of pal Sharon Stone and removed our legal briefs.
2) The Vice President promised we’d get pardoned if we took the rap, and he wouldn’t lie to us. Stop laughing!
1) Because jails are for poor people, silly!