Special expanded US vs. Them edition!
13) Olympics haven’t been the same without tyrannical enemies to root against, and the Axis of Evil can’t skate.
12) Hoping it would reunite Gorky Park. We had all their records!
11) Shitty Star Wars sequels inspired shitty sequel to Star Wars.
10) Moscow mobsters demand retribution for the cancelling of The Sopranos.
9) Uniting schoolchildren under a mushroom cloud of atomic death may discourage them from shooting each other.
8) Poland won't return our calls any more.
7) Russians are enriching Smirnoff Ice to unacceptable sweetness levels.
6) Finally getting our revenge for that God-awful Scorpions song.
5) Only need a squad of attractive teenagers to thwart a Russian attack.
4) Still had the lack of democracy, sputtering economy, and proliferation of nukes.
3) Fighting a pretend war in Europe is much more enjoyable than fighting a real war in the Middle East.
2) Watching the Americans trudge aimlessly around Afghanistan got us a little nostalgic.
1) (tie) Because if our hardliners don’t have a boogeyman to fight against, they get a little antsy.