Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Top Ten Tuesdays: Why are we restarting the Cold War?

Special expanded US vs. Them edition!

13) Olympics haven’t been the same without tyrannical enemies to root against, and the Axis of Evil can’t skate.

12) Hoping it would reunite Gorky Park. We had all their records!

11) Shitty Star Wars sequels inspired shitty sequel to Star Wars.

10) Moscow mobsters demand retribution for the cancelling of The Sopranos.

9) Uniting schoolchildren under a mushroom cloud of atomic death may discourage them from shooting each other.

8) Poland won't return our calls any more.

7) Russians are enriching Smirnoff Ice to unacceptable sweetness levels.

6) Finally getting our revenge for that God-awful Scorpions song.

5) Only need a squad of attractive teenagers to thwart a Russian attack.

4) Still had the lack of democracy, sputtering economy, and proliferation of nukes.

3) Fighting a pretend war in Europe is much more enjoyable than fighting a real war in the Middle East.

2) Watching the Americans trudge aimlessly around Afghanistan got us a little nostalgic.

1) (tie) Because if our hardliners don’t have a boogeyman to fight against, they get a little antsy.


BOSSY said...

Did somebody say Smirnoff? Sorry - summer can be so distracting.

(excellent list as always.)

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Pumpkin, those Olympics haven't been the same since Tonya Harding kicked arse and took names!

teh l4m3 said...

14) Jennifer Grey got her old nose back and is once again drinking deer's blood!

Brando said...

LOL, teh, that is hilarious.

Jennifer said...

And... we had a backlog of these that needed to be sold!

Hooker said...

awwww scorpions.

I guess it *was* pretty bad.

Kathleen said...

15) Tom Clancy needs to sell some novels.

Brando said...

Holy crap, Jennifer. Fight the Cold War with the mystical power of unicorns?!

Kathleen, I had to laugh because I had a couple Clancy ones that I wound up not using. Great minds joke alike. And that's a guy who definitely misses the Cold War.

Hooker, it's the whistling. It's a shitty song to begin with (and I like a few Scorpions tunes), but the whistling pushes it over the edge into the Suck Hole.

Snag said...

Because we can.

fish said...

Because everyone misses the Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik tag team vs. Sgt. Slaughter.

Noelle said...


Churlita said...

It's hard to shoot your classmates when you're crouched under your desk with your hands protecting your head.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Churlita would be correct on that.

Brendan said...

#9: sadly hopeful

#3: a remarkably smart insight, proving once again that comedy contains the most truth

#15: (kathleen's) I want to say "ditto," but I hate agreeing with my own paranoid conspiracy mindset.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

New post, please!


Brando said...

Your wish is granted, AG.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Can you give UC some lessons granting AG wishes?