Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Top Ten Tuesdays: What revisions are we making to the immigration bill?

10) Hiding border patrol agents in Trojan Piñatas.

9) Using series of Guinness Fly Traps to round up Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.

8) Bestowing automatic green cards for shortstops with good range and power.

7) Redirecting the Big Dig to construct one-way tunnel to China.

6) Deporting anyone adding “eh?” to end of non-interrogative sentences.

5) Restoring the God-given right of poor Americans to work menial jobs for immigrant wages.

4) Mandating that all NBA players have at least one vowel per syllable in last names.

3) Using light bulb installation test to catch illegal Polish immigrants.

2) Rounding up all angry white guys and returning them to their native homeland, Idaho.

1) Granting all illegal immigrants “shamnesty,” which will allow them to stay here until the next wave of elected assholes decides otherwise.


Kathleen said...

12) renaming nachos "freedom chips"

fish said...

Okay, so how long was the Guiness flytrap joke bouncing around in your head before you finally found an outlet for it?

I used to live in South Boston, the other name for a Guiness flytrap is "the alley next to my rowhouse". Of course that would be post-processed Guiness.

Brando said...

Believe it or not, Fish, that just popped in my head this morning. I was thinking about Blazing Saddles ("but we don't want the Irish") and trying to come up with an Irish gag.

I also forgot that the anti-immigration crowd had already appropriated "shamnesty," but screw it, I'm keeping it.

Grendel said...

Lest "Trojan pinata" be overlooked, let the record show I thought that was choice.

13. Annexing Bangalore.

Churlita said...

Will all the senators take a turn whacking cows in the head with sledgehammers after all the people who used to do it get deported?

fish said...

Guess I was just projecting. I often have some phrase I like the sound of banging around in my head, just looking for an opportunity to escape.

Brando said...

Oh, fish, I do that all the time. A lot of the top 10s have been written around one joke. Hell, a lot of my posts are based on one joke. But this list was a sponteneous creation.

BOSSY said...

14) Must be born a U.S. citizen.