Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Transcript of Comments from President Bush at the G8 Summit

Speaking at the Group of Eight summit in St. Petersburg, Russia, President Bush came under fire for some of the comments he made. Here are some things overheard from the President.

BRITISH PRIME MINISTER TONY BLAIR: The Lebanon situation appears to be quite perilous.

BUSH (chewing): Well, what are you going to do? It’s the asshole of the world, so no wonder it’s going down the shitter.

BLAIR: But surely you must have an assessment of the situation?

BUSH: Yeah, they’re totally fucked. (belches)

BLAIR: If we don’t do something, though, the conflict could spread.

BUSH: You’re right, Blair, ol’ chap. Here’s my final solution—let’s kill them all and let God sort them out.

BLAIR: Good Lord!

BUSH: Exactly! (emits series of three "hehs"). No, seriously, we should probably just convert them to Christianity. Are you going finish your roll?

BUSH: So you have a long flight, eh?

CHINESE PRESIDENT HU JINTAO: Yes, about eight hours.

BUSH: Me, too. I’ve got to get home, it’s almost brush-clearing season. Do you have brush in Japan?

HU JINTAO: I’m from China.

BUSH: Oh, right, sorry, you people all look...I mean, ah, nevermind. Hey, you know what I love about China? General Tso’s Chicken. No wonder the Japanese were successful when they invaded, your generals were in the kitchen whipping up recipes.

HU JINTAO: Forgive me for asking, but I am confused. You were elected, yes? By voters?

BUSH: Putin! Dos veranda!

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN: Why are you lifting your shirt?

BUSH: I thought you Ruskies were into that. Come on, give me a French kiss right on the ol’ bellybutton.

PUTIN: I can’t believe we lost the Cold War to you (inaudible).

BUSH: Hey, Putty, check out the rack on Olga over there. She looks like she could melt Siberia.

PUTIN: That’s my daughter!

BUSH: Sorry, sorry. If it’s any consolation, I get that all the time with Jenna, too.


BUSH: Sieg heil, Chancellor.

MERKEL: What on earth are you doing?

BUSH: Just saying hello, you know, more formal-like, since you used my title and everything.

MERKEL: Then just say hello, and for God’s sake, put your arm down.


Chuckles said...

Heh heh heh.


Adorable Girlfriend said...

I guess all those family values and morals alone with the coke, Laura's killing and Jenna's boozing went down the drain. America: vote Democrat next time. Democrats -- the Party with Class!