Monday, July 24, 2006

If the rules in Iraq were applied to softball...

The visitors only get 8 players.

All pitches are underhanded.

There are unlimited strikes.

There are no balls, but plenty of nuts.

Errors are not recorded.

For the visitors, there is no foul territory—everything is considered fair and in play.

Home players may only walk toward bases. If they run toward them, they will be taken out by defenders from the visiting team.

Even when you’re on base, you’re not necessarily safe.

Catchers only have some of the protective gear they need.

Lefties are not allowed unless they play as righties.

Every time a home player makes contact with the ball, the press box must cheer.

Home players may be stuffed into the equipment bag until they tell the visitors their signs.

There is no draft, but once players sign up, they cannot quit playing until the game is finished.

The visitors inform the home team when the game is over.

These rules may be changed as necessary.

3 comments:

Grendel said...

A few more:

Umpires are hired by the home team, and leaking the way they are selected is treason.

Each home team player gets unlimited swings at bat.

Home team injuries are recorded, but no pictures are allowed of stretchers coming off the field. Visitor injuries are not recorded, and stories about them are wildly exaggerated.

The game is expected to go into 65,904 extra innings. And the game is going well. The game is going well. The game is going well.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Also:
If we have to, resort to Yankee rules -- no clear exit plan on how to win the series.

Brando said...

Nice ones, kids.

I never made the Steinbrenner/Bush connection before.