Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Secrets to a happy marriage

This past weekend, The Lovely Becky had to get up before the ass crack of dawn to shuttle her teenage summer writing students back to the When Pigs Fly Eastern Iowa airport. I did my husbandly duty of waving goodbye with one bloodshot eye before falling back asleep.

Hours after she departed, I awoke to a glorious smell. I cracked my eyes open and saw a sausage, cheese, and egg McGriddle before me. Being held, unwrapped in the most perfect culinary come-hither pose, by my amazing wife, seflessly serving it to me in bed.

(If McDonald's served McBreakfast 24/7, I would weigh 400 lbs. I am powerless before teh egg, sausage, and muffin/pancake thingies.)

I took a bite and smiled the smile of a man who wakes from a blissful dream and finds out his dreams have come true. "Oh my God, I can't believe you picked this up for me and are serving it to me in bed."

"Is it the best thing ever?"

"Yes."

"It would only be better if you were also having sex right now?" she asked.

I thought for a moment. "Yes," I replied, "and if the TV was on and the Bears were playing in the Super Bowl."

Despite such sexy pillow talk, I wound up just eating the McGriddle. But a third of a dream is still better than making breakfast.

9 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I am still hung-up on the fact that you give blood money to McDonald's. Dude, what's up with that?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Are you out having a Mac attack right now?!

Brando said...

No, I'm waking up after two days of engaging in another vice, gambling!

What can I say, my taste buds know no politics and have no morals. And I only eat the MickeyD's breakfast sandwiches -- all my fast food burger dollars usually go to Culver's these days (with an occasional Steak n Shake if Culver's is closed).

Brando said...

It's also funny, AG, because even though we've never met, I knew you were going to give me a hard time about eating McDonald's ;-)

Erin said...

I know you have sex. I've come to terms with that. However there is something grossly unsettling about seeing it in writing. Have you read our other brother's blog? No sex, but still grossly unsettling.

Tickle said...

Brandon,
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel that way about thinking about you eating a McGriddle.

Erin is just jealous of our blogs.

Ryan said...

i have no idea who you are but i just stumbled acorss your blog and i already like it! sex and breakfast, it can't get any better than this!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Gambling? Don't make me call one of those 800 numbers on the stall door in the bathroom at the casino. Ya know, because unlike anyone else there, I'll do it!

I also like that you were able to foresee the AG going off on the McD's!!

Brando said...

E, there is definitely something wrong with Tickle. Starting with the name Tickle.

Ryan, thanks for coming by.

AG, what can I say, I am a man of vices. It is a good thing I never got into drugs or smoking.