Special extended fake applause edition!
15) Homeland Security searching for terror leads in Book of Revelations.
14) It is vital to the success of our operations in Iraq that the elite of America devote their time and energy toward recruiting the poor into the military.
13) All wombs must now be registered with the government.
12) The Iranian government has been trying to obtain large quantities of uranium from Iran.
11) Freedom is free, but only for the first six months, at which point interest rates are applied retroactively if there is an unpaid freedom balance.
10) President is authorized by the Constitution to use literal nuclear option on Democrats.
9) If Coretta Scott King taught us anything, it’s that we need more tax cuts.
8) The President and the Vice President will be heading down to Crawford to go fishing.
7) To ensure the accuracy of NSA transcripts, all Americans should remember to speak clearly into their phones.
6) New healthcare plan will be centered around piggy banks and discounted Flintstones vitamins.
5) President will introduce legislation for new emergency approval-point loan program.
4) United States will search for alternative energy sources by invading a South American country to be named later.
3) Problem of Social Security and hunger to be solved jointly in new Soylent Green Act.
2) For the last time, the President did not have business relations with that man.
1) The Union is in quite a state.