George W. Bush's to-do list

X Clear some brush

X Get caught up on back issues of President’s Daily Briefs (reading, yuck!)

X Teach Barney how to pee on McCain’s shoes

X Bring democracy to Iraq (ask around for ideas)

X Send Lieberman thank you note and bottle of Lenny Kravitz (that wine the Jews like)

X Find out if Pat Robertson’s God voice sounds like my God voice (if yes, kill Hugo Chavez)

X Give Mayor Nagin some speech advice

X Read NSA transcripts on Chuck Schumer

X Send Hillary some gag pre-stained blue dresses (make sure there’s no return address this time)

X Do the "pop the paper bag behind the back" joke with Dick again (remember to dial 411 if he stops breathing)

X Have memory chips wiped in the McClellan 3000

X Thank Harriet for playing along with the nomination "ruse"

X Look up meaning of "ruse" (check dictionary under leg of Oval Office desk)

X Get polish, rag, and shine box for Alito (I want to see my face in those loafers)

X Ask Magic 8-ball what to do about Iran, North Korea

X Talk to Jenna about perils of excessive drinking (keep straight face)

X Give L a bit of the ol’ Executive Branch (heh heh heh)

X Thank Turd Blossom for the "Executive Branch" line

X Find a special lady for Turd Blossom (Condi?)

X Find tape of me and Abramoff doing up Georgetown (check Jenna’s room)

X Call off invasion of Canada

Take Bin Laden seriously (time permitting)