10) Hairier, four-legged version of Christ.
9) Love songs about Jesus that wouldn’t sound out of place on the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack.
8) The death penalty.
7) Bill O’Reilly vibrating Christmas falafel.
6) Science textbooks with the science conveniently pre-removed.
5) Dry humping and blue balls.
4) Ed Wood’s Book of Revelations.
3) Confessional booth chastity belts (available in Confessor and Penitent models)
2) New and improved martyr complex.
1) Lying, greed, corruption, hypocrisy, and war.