Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Top Ten Tuesdays: Signs of a successful sumnmer blockbuster

10) Reflects real life, like the way smoking hot models always fall for chubby, pasty oafs
9) Wisecracking, streetwise black comedian plays wisecracking, streetwise wild animal
8) Storyline allows Tom Cruise to maintain hetero smokescreen
7) Dorky British kid uses magic wand to do everything except get laid
6) Teaches us important life lessons via precocious children/anthropomorphic Volkswagens/flesh-eating zombies
5) Will Ferrell’s screaming butt cheeks
4) Gritty World War II epic makes us really appreciate the lack of mandatory military service
3) Features Oscar-winning, all-Scientologist cast
2) Remake magically transforms classic movie or TV show into shiny, expensive new turd
1) Puts the hour of stilted dialog, awkward romance, and bland characters before the kickass lightsaber battles

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