Special extended campaigning edition!
15) Rehearsing tearful adultery confession.
14) Hiding implications of tax plan from reporters by using lots of math.
13) Practicing the pronunciation of countries we plan to invade.
12) Learning not to reach for the sanitizer after shaking the calloused, leathery hand of an Iowa farmer.
11) Faking a choking incident when asked, “So how do you plan to handle Iraq?”
10) Conducting polls to see if the public will consider Boy Scouts “military service.”
9) Thinking of a name for the campaign bus that doesn’t use the words liberty, freedom, express, straight talk, or shaggin’ wagon.
8) Remembering not to answer, “commando,” when asked, “Senator, panties or thongs?”
7) Gathering hush money for everyone who was at that key party in ’77.
6) Keeping a straight face when we say, “The Republican Party is a friend of the black man.”
5) Earning Rush Limbaugh’s endorsement by giving him a Double Whopper with meth.
4) Hiring Dan Savage to create a slang term for “Brownback.”
3) Seeking the wise counsel of other Freemasons.
2) Setting aside the issues of Iraq, terrorism, global warming, health care, and the exploding deficit to focus on the greatest threat to our fair republic: gay marriage.
1) Relocating all of the bodies.
11 comments:
16) bribing ahmedinejad to continue with his wild and crazy antics so we can bomb iran and keep popularity high
Hysterical.
There's nothing like going commando in the shaggin' wagon with all of your Free Mason friends.
Nunzio! Move those bodies twelve feet to the left! My hydrangias have enough fertilizer.
Luigi! Let's go clear some more brush. I am worried about my azaleas getting too little sunlight!
For number 1 is that to Jersey, the East River or somewhere new and creative?
16. Learning to spell "callused."
Oh, God. "Brownback." I am still laughing.
17. Knowing the difference between "calloused" the adjective and "callus" the noun.
Seriously, Brownback should just change his name now, before the Santorum hits the fan.
Those bodies are buried here, because no one looks for anything in Iowa.
18) Get John Bolton and Republican congressional interns to put on a media-savvy demonstration at the vote recounts.
18. Getting a tutor and practicing how to say "nuclear"
18, Take your new clean articulate black friend to meet your Indian friend at the 7-11.
19) Paper shredding your online relationship with that teenage boy.
20. Calling up the marketing guys from AHTF and seeing what kind of ad ideas that got for us.
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