Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Top Ten Tuesdays: Why are we forgoing husbands?

The New York Times reported that 51% of American women are now living without a spouse. Why?

10) Gave other side a try after watching season one of The L Word.

9) More economical to pay cash for lawn care than to exchange it for 40 years of the missionary position.

8) Chocolates never ask for anal.

7) Don’t have to worry that the ficus will try to pollinate a younger fern with bigger leaves that are clearly plastic.

6) Smoke meth with a gay prostitute once, shame on you. Smoke meth with a gay prostitute twice....

5) Decided it was easier to raise kids without carrying another big baby.

4) After we put the Energizer Bunny in our rabbits, it was like John Henry versus the steam engine.

3) If we’re going to stroke something that hairy, it better keep our laps warm for more than 30 seconds.

2) Once they’ve been cut off for a while, they’ll be begging to be the First Husband.

1) Three words: No more SportsCenter.


TLB said...

This made me laugh out loud in the coffee shop, causing the other tenants to look up from their lattes and think me insane.

Which I am, obviously.

Brando said...

My dear, I should have dedicated this one to you.

I fixed a couple typos. Nothing ruins a good anal zinger like a typo.

Hope V said...

Hey, I'm a little late on the De-lurking Week thing, but late is better than never, so I'm officially de-lurking. I came across your blog (via the Daily Tannenbaum I believe)and it made me laugh outloud so I of course instantly marked you as a favorite and check in daily. I linked to you on my page, cause I think its good to share sources of mirth with others- I hope you don't mind. Have a happy day.

teh l4m3 said...

11) "'My husband' was just a slip of the tongue! That's it! I mean, ha ha, the guy's already married for god's sake, and he's my boss!

"...Mmmm... 'Tongue...'"

BOSSY said...

As usual, the greatest list. Eh-ver. And you're not writing for the Daily Show because...?

Chuckles said...

Good list. This explains why I am single, I suppose. I am hairy and good at yard work. I even call it gardening when it is my yard. I shall remain single I suppose.

Churlita said...

I didn't read the article, but does that mean that there are also that many men living without a spouse as well, or are there that many more women than men on the planet now?

I like SportsCenter, I just didn't like that one guy who was sitting on my couch watching it.

I've never had a good anal zinger myself, but I can only imagine that a typo could totally ruin one.

Brando said...

Hey, Hope, thanks for stopping by. Glad you like the blog.

teh, you just know she's going to make Laura disappear one of these days. Bush will come home and find Barney in a pot.

Bossy, that's a good question.

Chuckles, they are phasing us out. I wonder why TLB keeps me around sometimes.

Churlita, I think the Mormons are skewing the married men figures.

almostinfamous said...

im in yr patriarchy, dissing yr manhood!

teh l4m3 said...

I shall remain single I suppose.

Oh chuckles, if only you were gay. Or if only I had tits, a uterus, a puffy vagina, and smaller hands.

One or the other...