Special expanded player-to-be-named-later edition!
Major League Baseball's trading deadline is approaching this weekend. Why will some players be on new teams?
11) Said our faith compelled us to follow Jesus Christ to Boston.
10) Confessed our love of long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days to underage ball boy.
9) Club received one million dollars if they let us spend one night with Mr. Steinbrenner.
8) ERA grew faster than America’s GDP.
7) Misinterpreted “Media Day” as “Kick-the-shit-out-of-the-media Day”.
6) Stole a lot of bases, then proceeded to steal bats, balls, and the coach’s Lexus.
5) Threw too many sliders down our throats.
4) Took money to throw World Series without disclosing we were on the Cubs and would never reach the World Series.
3) Players complained that we filled the dugout with that old people smell.
2) Job was outsourced to Asians and Hispanics.
1) Got caught giving the cream to the owner’s wife.