10) Drew up new legislation to curtail civil liberties.
9) Swapped political bon mots with other snarky, powerless liberals.
8) Called up British friend and chanted USA, USA, USA into phone.
7) Made makeshift Roman candles out of detainees.
6) Asked bearded hippie if he was listening to Freedom Rock, then ordered him to turn it up.
5) Begged OPEC to lower oil prices.
4) Told everyone at the barbecue about the real history of psychiatry.
3) Sucked down an eight-ball of funnel cake.
2) Went on patrol after enlistment was involuntarily extended.
1) Covered last bit of free space on the SUV with another fucking flag.