Friday, June 24, 2005

Welcome to Insurgency Land!

So real, you’ll swear your enlistment’s been extended indefinitely!

Experience the thrills, the chills, the kills of Insurgency Land—the only theme park that thrusts you in the middle of an explosive fledgling democracy.

  • See the Light at the End of the Endless Tunnel—the harder you run, the farther it moves!
  • Distort intelligence and draw your own conclusions at the WMD Imaginatorium. Don’t forget to view the Satellite Foto Fun House Mirror.
  • Can you tell friend from foe? You’ve got only seconds to shake hands or open fire on Spot the Baathist.
  • Yo ho, yo ho, a contractor’s life for me! Take a wild voyage past flaming pipelines and padded invoices on Contractors of the Halliburton!
  • How many volts can you take to your genitals before you break? Test your mettle on the electrifying In-Terror-Gator! Brought to you by Sears Die Hard.
  • Help a democracy get off the ground—and bust a gut while doing it! Come for the democracy and stay for the laughs at the Komedy Konstitutional Konvention.
  • Cool off at the end of the day in Allah’s Paradise. Now featuring 72 certified virgins! (18 and older only, please)

Plus, have your picture taken with our loveable neocon mascots—Rummy, Wolfi, Condi and more! And watch out for the suspicious, swarthy men lurking around concession stands and gift shops with conspicuous bulges under their coats. They might explode—with fabulous prizes!

Free valet parking with 1000 lbs of trunk explosives. Park closes promptly at dusk, all remaining visitors will be shot on sight.

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