Charles Barkley Quotes has a huge archive of Bartlby-quality bon mots from the funniest, largest, blackest man on television. My personal favorite:
You know the world is off tilt when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest basketball player is Chinese and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
He also epitomizes my second philosophy of life (after, "Have a good time, all the time"):
I think working is overrated, so I have no intention right now, or at any time in the near future, to get a real job.
Via ESPN's Bill Simmons