Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Top Ten Wednesdays: How are we wooing the white male vote?

Special extended mullet primary edition!

13) Learned to pee standing up in order to stump at the urinal.

12) Showed artist’s rendition of Air Force One covered in sponsor decals and a giant number 3.

11) Promised that future 3 a.m. calls to the White House would be answered by bi-curious Monica Lewinsky (charges apply).

10) Promised that future presidential pastors would have to pass the Wayne Brady test.

9) Shotgunned a beer and burped out major policy proposals.

8) Announced that subsequent State of the Union addresses would be performed by Pacino and DeNiro.

7) Vowed to declare the Pittsburgh Pirates a federal disaster area.

6) Revealed running mate would be the King of Queens.

5) Offered to replace national anthem with John Mellencamp’s “This Is Our Country.”

4) Devised a plan to keep the railroad from running through Rock Ridge.

3) Gave away limited edition zubaz pants bearing the presidential seal in the seat.

2) Swore to not only catch Osama bin Laden, but have him impaled by Kiefer Sutherland just seconds before the bomb goes off.

1) Kept a straight face when hearing white guys whine about how they don't have any power.


Jennifer said...

If given 2 terms, will repeal the 19th amendment at the end of them.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

16) By blowing shit up. Heh-heh. It's cool.

fish said...

22) Free haircare products!!

Damn, I am so screwed.

Anonymous said...

Seeing if Jesse Ventura is available to be a running mate.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

You forgot -- Rush will play the inagural ball. (Or for Fish -- Cheap Trick.)

Churlita said...

17) Take a day off from the campaign trail in order to attend fantasy baseball draft. Go into excessive details about all team stats in every speech thereafter.

fish said...

churlita, that was awesome...

Brando said...

That hit a little close to home.

Snag said...

18) Launched air strike on Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in order to preserve ERA lead in fantasy league.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Serve chilid dogs at the meeting of the dorks, aka, fantasy baseball draft.

Proud2bHumble said...

Inaugural line dancing competition. Winners receive tax credit for all Waffle House 'Super Star Breakfasts' for length of term.