Special extended layoffs edition!
15) Offering tax rebates in the form of scratch-off lottery tickets.
14) Assaulting real estate agent and mortgage broker so that we’ll have a place to live for the next 8-15 years.
13) Crossing border to seek new economic opportunities in Canada.
12) Selling excess children to science.
11) Replacing expensive toilet paper with worthless stock option certificates.
10) Traveling to Vegas to start a lucrative new act, imitating celebrities crapping their pants for money.
9) Conserving blog posts until we have something interesting to say.
8) Electroshocking Alan Greenspan’s testicles until he tells us how to get out of this and/or for getting us into this.
7) Cutting down heating bills by lighting selves on fire.
6) Auditioning for spot on Extreme Home Takeover.
5) Increasing size of investment portfolio by focusing on porn futures.
4) Creating cheap, homemade SUV hybrid by attaching a sail to the Hummer.
3) Two words: grad school.
2) Finding employment in the one booming sector left in America, the military.
1) Goodbye McMansion, hello McJob!