Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we improving toy safety?

Special extra precautions edition!

11) Choking-hazard parts can no longer be covered in delicious candy-coated shell.

10) Discontinuing production of the Venus Fly Crib.

9) Enacting constitutional amendment forbidding the marrying of two Ken dolls.

8) Testers must scatter toys on shag carpeting and walk barefoot across them in the dark, then check for lacerations and tetanus.

7) Replacing all lead in toys with corn-based ethanol.

6) Game of Operation requires proof of health insurance before purchase.

5) Chinese-made rubber duckies can no longer be made out of leftover General Tso’s Chicken.

4) Fisher Price’s My First Meth Lab must include number for addiction recovery hotline.

3) Only allowing production of toys mentioned in the Bible.

2) Installing foam locks on all Nerf guns.

1) Telling children they can no longer take any toys out of the packaging.

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

Awesome.

I must say, I fully agree with #8. I think Legos were originally a torture device.

fish said...

1) Telling children they can no longer take any toys out of the packaging.

1b) Telling children you will not lose (another) finger trying to get their toys out of the bulletproof, kevlar packaging.

Jennifer said...

I keep trying to think of the proper punchline for the GI Joe doll with Kung Fu Grip, but can't hit on it, however, this leads me to the question, do they still make that specific action figure? I wonder if GI Joe ever used the grip on himself. Has anyone ever noticed if GI Joe is blind?

Kathleen said...

excellent!

mikeinportc said...

17b) Including a certificate for a free chiropractor visit, with all Thomas the Train products.

( A shipment of fountains(concrete) + playin' trains = "ouch" ;)

19a) Putting in a Mission Impossible-type self destruct mechanism, that triggers after the third consecutive playing, of any Thomas The Train , or Harold With A Purple Crayon videos. (For adult brain safety)

Noelle said...

Boycotting Hasbro completely. http://dailytannenbaum.com/2008/07/29/f-u-hasbro-f-u/

Von said...

This is Awesome!!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I want the meth lab. Want, want, want!!!!!

Bill Stankus said...

Thank god for rear view mirrors.