Monday, July 21, 2008

Mobil H

A DRIVER guides his Hummer down the street. He passes gas station after gas station and sees the prices: $4.19, $4.39, $4.59. He shakes his head.

NARRATOR
The high price of gas has hit all of us hard. Rising prices not only cost us money, they cost us peace of mind.

The Driver sees the green Mobil sign showing “Mobil H - $15.99.” He smiles widely.

NARRATOR
That’s why Mobil is doing something to bring you the relief you need.

“Lust for Life” by Iggy Pop starts playing.

The Driver jerks the wheel and cuts across two lanes of traffic, drives over a curb, and hits a trash can before stopping in front of the pump. He jumps out and grabs the pump, which has a rubber hose and a needle dangling from it. The Driver wraps the hose around his upper arm, holding one end in his teeth, and guides the needle into his forearm. His face sweats and his hands shake as he guides the nozzle into the tank and starts pumping gas.


NARRATOR
Introducing Mobil H, the first gasoline that gives you something back.

The Driver pulls the rubber hose loose and smiles, falling back into the side of his SUV.

NARRATOR
With each gallon of gas that flows into your tank, sweet relief flows into your veins.

On the gas pump, the price keeps going up, going to $100, $200, $300, and $400.

NARRATOR
And with the more you pump....

The driver gives the pump a few squeezes as he tops off the tank, tenses and releases with orgasmic pleasure, until the price reaches $500.

NARRATOR
The better you’ll feel.

The Driver gets back in his car, driving with half-closed eyes as he nearly hits a dog, a bicyclist, and some kids crossing the street.

NARRATOR
High gas prices may never go away...

The music stops as The Driver pulls into his garage, next to another car. He puts it in park and stays in his seat for a second.

NARRATOR
But we don’t want that to keep you from coming back.

“Lust for Life” plays again as The Driver gets out of his SUV and into his other SUV, peeling out in reverse, flipping the front onto the street, and flooring it back toward the Mobil station.

NARRATOR
Mobil H. Available in regular, premium, and madman.

7 comments:

Noelle said...

The only gas to be approved by both Irvine Welsh and Danny Boyle.

Churlita said...

Awesome. For some reason, I'm not nearly as stressed out about taking my California roadtrip after reading this.

fish said...

I want to know how you get that giant rubber band around the hummer?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Gas is right, break is left.

Just sayin'.

Snag said...

I don't know why people with such tiny penises need such big vehicles.

Jennifer said...

You're a sick man... that's why we like you.

Lina said...

I found this site called URAjerk.com maybe you can use it. It seems to help get me through the issues of dealing with some of the jerks I know. At least I can vent about these jerks, plus I get a kick out of sending them some cards.