10) Overused campaign tagline, “I’m Rick Santorum, bitch!”
9) Replaced Joementum with less electorally-efficient Blowmentum.
8) Got photographed reading The Origin of Species while on campaign stop in Kansas.
7) Remarked that inflation had hurt purchasing power of illegal campaign contributions.
6) Failed to convince voters that alleged infidelity was simply a case of slipping on a banana peel and falling penis-first into intern.
5) Tried to reach out to Hispanics with “Vote for me and receive a free trip to Mexico” platform.
4) Offered to compromise on detainee rights by allowing them to be tortured 3/5 of the time.
3) Attended ethnic voter rally in white sheet and hood.
2) Lost key soccer mom and gay votes after coming up short in Playgirl campaign pictorial.
1) Ran while wearing a very large lame duck around neck.
5 comments:
11) Used enough make-up to make the love child of Jezebel and The Joker scream in horror during overtures to the evangelical right.
8a.) Got photographed reading. Anywhere.
Rick S.?! I just threw up a little bit in my mouth and on the floor!
Can you believe that Bush's approval rating is skyrocketing. His bosses the oil companies lower the prices for the elections and everyone calms down. Now everyone is worried that Harry Reid won't be able to defend the Pope.
12) Told the truth about the military-industrial complex
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