Special extra day late edition!
11) Classified President’s Daily Brief entitled, “Shit Determined to Strike Fan”
10) Original Star Wars movies that haven’t been fucked with by the guy who thought Jar-Jar was a good idea.
9) Paris Hilton’s health records (please hurry, it really burns!)
8) Spine of Democrats.
7) Government geophysical survey revealing increase in global warming caused by Bush’s excessive flatulence.
6) Genitals (guys in raincoats only).
5) Bloopers and outtakes from Abu Ghraib (with narration by Dick Cheney)
4) K-Fed (into space).
3) George Allen’s novel manuscript, The Bigot’s Guide to Hunting and Fishing.
2) The Tribulation (Christians only).
1) Common sense.