10) Reinstating vintage 72-point WAR font.
9) Staying in Washington no matter how much brush needs to be cleared.
8) Requiring gas prices to be displayed in red, white, and blue.
7) Reading the top-secret President’s Daily Brief aloud on every Today show.
6) Mandating a Project Runway challenge to design outfit made entirely out of yellow “Support Our Troops” ribbons.
5) Pointing to the one hair on Rumsfeld head that always sticks up when there’s a war going on.
4) Sending all registered Democrats to special camps...for their own protection.
3) Implementing such a strict zero-tolerance terror policy that Fear Factor had to be cancelled.
2) Donning flight suit and landing on aircraft carrier with large “Mission Ongoing” banner.
1) Mailing out the draft notices.