Friday, September 22, 2006

Because you're not an A-list blogger until you post pictures of cute pets

TLB is a cat person. She is an animal person in general, but she especially loves cats (must...resist...easy...crude...joke). We have two cats, Bubba and Stinky (not their Christian names). Bubba came with the marriage. He's as big of a baby as he is big, an 18-pound mass of orange and white neuroses. A very sweet cat that lets himself be overwhelmed by his seeming insignificance in the universe, much in the way I do.

Stinky is the opposite. He's the feline version of Murdock from The A-Team -- crazy but charismatic, always getting himself into scrapes without ever getting scraped up. He doesn't worry about anything except getting yelled at when he's on the goddamned dining room table again. His baptismal name is Bugsy, and he was called that because he loved to chase bugs or any spec of material that resembled bugs. That says everything you need to know about him.

Stinky entered our marriage in 1996. We were living in Brooklyn (New York, not Iowa) and had just moved into a two-bedroom place that gave us the most precious commodity in NYC: space. I told TLB after we moved that she could get another kitty since we had a second bedroom.

At the same time, I had my mind on a pet of my own. It was gray and plastic and played all kinds of cool games. It didn't barf or poop in a box or scratch the furniture. TLB, however, was reluctant to bring it into our house for fear I would love it too much.

One day, while I was at work on a Saturday, TLB called me. I don't remember the exact conversation but it went something like this:
IwasattheFarmer'sMarketandIsawthecutestkittyandhe'sarescueand
he'ssosweetandwouldyoumindifIbroughthimhome?


I know I give off the cool, manly, stoic exterior of a Delta Force commando, but deep down inside, I am a softie. I was moved by my lovely wife's desire for another animal that would enjoy leaping on my crotch while I slept at night. I was about to say yes, when a little voice went off in my head: quid pro quo, Clarise.

"If I say yes, can I get a PlayStation?"

Check and mate. She got Stinky, and I got a tool that began my long, slow road toward not finishing a novel.

Flash forward to the present. TLB and her sister were at the mall and saw a cat at the pet store, a cat who was also a rescue. History repeated itself. Again, I was moved. Initially, there was quid pro quo. But I realized, this is the woman who puts up with my jokes, my neuroses, and who gave me my Holy Grail after she sold her novel. She deserved another kitty. So we brought home Jonesy. Currently he has only two settings:

On



Off

Now we just need to get Bubba and Stinky to stop doing their Heathers routine with him.

8 comments:

TLB said...

Heh heh. You wrote: "loving in Brooklyn." Freudian slip

traca de broon said...

Cute cat! Know what else is cute? All of these Swedish heavy metal gods. I think I see the guy from Europe....

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=2261

Brando said...

Well, I always do have the loving on the brain. Thank you for proofreading.

Traca: WTF?! Oh my God! That one guy who was wailing (I think the fourth one in) had Adam Curry's old hair. Has anyone investigated the ozone above Sweden -- it must be ripped apart by the hairspray.

blue girl said...

...when a little voice went off in my head: quid pro quo, Clarise.

:)

What a cute chubba-wubba! Gotta have the nicknames, huh?

Our new little one has no sense of boundries yet at all. And now he's fully alive. Like speedracer.

Anyway, his new trick is crawling on my face every morning at 4:30am. I'm exhausted. It's been 5 mornings in a row now.

Ok. I'm done!

:)

scruffylooking said...

What a sweet kitty.

Which one of your other cats does the cheesy Jack Nicholson impression?

Trevor Jackson said...

Separated at birth?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I want a kitten! However, I want it to live at UC's.

Brando said...

Trevor, that is awesome. Jonesy also bears a resemblance to TLB's sister's cat, the late Hamish, one of those pets that thought he was people.

Jonesy is just an awesome little dude. Maybe the most mellow, friendly animal I've ever seen. Bubba is still hissing a bit but not freaking out too badly. Stinky seems to relish in a new playmate. As a famous deity once said, "and it was good."