Friday, September 22, 2006

I'll start getting fitted for my muumuu

Oh sweet Moses:

Would you like a side of pancakes with that burger? Could be an option, some day. McDonald's has an eye on selling the likes of Egg McMuffins and McGriddle pancake-flavored sandwiches morning to night.

I have talked about this for years. I really hate Mickey D's food, but I am a Sausage McMuffin Gimp, powerless to disobey my eggy, porky master. The idea that I could stroll into a Golden Arches and get a McMuffin with a McGriddle chaser at 11 p.m. makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

Now it really may happen...and I'm scared to death that I'll be dead of heart disease by the time I'm 40. It reminds me of this classic example of getting what you wish for:

GEORGE: So what happened?

JERRY: She's into it.

GEORGE:
Into what?

JERRY: The ménage. And not only that. She just called me and
said she talked to the roommate and the roomate's into the ménage too.

GEORGE: That's unbelievable.

JERRY: Oh, it's a scene, man.

GEORGE: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?

JERRY: What are you talking about? I'm not going to do it.

GEORGE: You're not goin to do it? What do you mean, You're not going to do it?

JERRY: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.

GEORGE: Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident.

JERRY: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends...Naw, I'm not ready for it.
On a side note, TLB and I saw this report while watching the Today show. At the end of this electrifying news, they ended the segment by mentioning that it may be two years before this happens.

Me: Two years? (transforming into Lewis Black) What the...why the...why are they telling us this now?! Why?! Why on earth would they fucking tease me like that?!!

TLB: I know, what a joke.

Me: I'm going to go to one of their counters and start playing with myself for two years until they serve me breakfast.

2 comments:

Pinko Punko said...

God damn, the only thing that limits my McGriddle consumption is their breakfast hours. Also, hashbrowns all day? Helloooooooooooooo?

blue girl said...

JERRY: Oh, it's a scene, man.

:)

I mean, total: :)

When I was pregnant I had to have an Sausage McMuffin everyday.

And I'm not exaggerating. Every. Single. Day.

Did I gain too much weight?

Um. Yeah.

So?

It was worth it.

:)

They are *the best.*