Special expanded pie-in-the-sky edition!
President Bush has been promoting his plans to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. What are some of his suggested energy alternatives?
13) Using teams of welfare mothers to pull SUVs.
12) Heating homes by burning books.
11) Reducing energy used for commuting by outsourcing more jobs overseas.
10) Supplementing No Child Left Behind with a new act, Every Child Must Run on Electricity-Generating Treadmills.
9) Building new water-powered generators before letting New Orleans flood again.
8) Researching ways to recycle oil company profits back into oil.
7) Combining unused Ferris wheels, electric generators, and genetically engineered giant hamsters.
6) Powering steam turbines with large-scale tire fires.
5) Maximizing power gained from solar energy by completely removing the ozone layer.
4) Cutting down every tree in America for kindling.
3) Creating a hybrid car that runs on Red Bull and vodka.
2) Tapping into the energy that conservatives expend fighting alternative energy proposals.
1) Harnessing the power of positive thinking.