Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Guns Don't Hurt People, Evil Vice Presidents Hurt People

With the recent hunting accident involving Vice President Cheney, many will immediately blame the 28-guage shotgun the Vice President fired into the upper body of Harry Whittington. They will talk about the need for gun safety and the needlessness of hunting. They will attempt to make that poor, defenseless shotgun into a loaded scapegoat, when the real target of blame should be evil vice presidents.

That shotgun didn’t fire itself. It was simply minding it’s own business, enjoying the fresh Texas air, when an evil vice president seized its defenseless trigger and fired its innocent bullets into the flesh of a bystander. Without an evil vice president around, Whittington wouldn’t have been shot.

The issue extends well beyond one isolated incident. Consider the Iraq War. One may argue that guns are hurting our troops in Iraq. But guns didn’t start the war. Guns didn’t fail to provide enough armor to stop bullets and shrapnel. Guns didn’t let contractors eat up the money for body and vehicle armor like pigs in a trough. Guess who did?

Guns didn’t fire a "go fuck yourself" at Senator Patrick Leahy. Guns didn’t shoot through Valerie Plame’s CIA cover. And guns don’t hurt and frighten children nearly as much as evil vice presidents.

It’s a pattern that has repeated itself throughout our recent history. Did guns do any of the following:

Look down the barrel and you'll see the answer points to the vice presidential seal.


Adorable Girlfriend said...

I liked the Fox, of course Fox, press conference yesterday where he accepted full responsibility. This is what we waste our media and tax dollars on? Hello, you held the gun, you shot the gun, why do I need camera men to tell me this?

Brando said...

I accept full responsibility for writing my post mocking this.

Seriously, I would have been more impressed if he had used the "wasn't me" defense that Eddie Murphy talked about in Raw