Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Top Ten Tuesdays: What anti-piracy measures are we establishing?

Special extra plunder edition!

12) Profiling all eye-patch wearers.

11) Posting “No booty in hull” stickers on ships.

10) Switching their rum with Folger’s Crystals.

9) Requiring all peg legs to have tracking devices.

8) Sending Johnny Depp undercover.

7) Requiring background checks on anyone spending more than $10,000 in doubloons.

6) Threatening to send all captured pirates to Dick Cheney’s Locker.

5) Putting "The Club" on ship wheels.

4) Setting up sting operations at Mediterranean Long John Silver’s restaurants.

3) Suing anyone who ever imitates the speech of, dresses like, reads books about, or watches movies with pirates, thereby endorsing and conspiring to commit piracy (this solution sponsored by the Recording Industry Association of America).

2) Starting neighbaaarrrhood watch programs in the harbors.*

1) Waterboarding suspected parrots.

*Obligatory aaarrr joke posted in compliance with the Pirate Comedy Act of 2002.


rotten mcdonald said...

I have no idea how to respond to this post. Initially, I read the title in respect to RIAA 'piracy', which is a bogus issue, of course; after that, I started to think about JohnnY Depp Pirates, which seemed weird because Talk Like A Pirate Day is in September; then I finally remembered the Somalian Symptom Of Worldwide Entropy, and saw where you were going with this...

And after all that mental anguish, I needed a drink.

After thinking about it for some time, the first drink did not seem to be doing the job, so I sent another one down to see what the problem was. After a few minutes, I dispatched another for Moral Support.

When there were no further reports, I sent down two more drinks to tell them to sack the hell up and get to work.

Which they did, but the work was really poor, so I sent down another, more powerful drink, to shape them up.

At this point, I have no idea what the OP was about, or what I EVER intended to write about it; but like the financial bailout, it seems like the only option is to continue to send reinforcements...

Brando said...

Now that is a comment.

fish said...

Sue all 10 year-old girls with access to a laptop and the High School Musical soundtrack.

Churlita said...

I really don't think I can leave a decent comment after Rotten McDonald's.

Brando said...

Rotten made me wonder why I wrote this list. I was sure I knew the answer as I wrote it, but now, not so much. It's all very existential.

rotten mcdonald said...

Good hamster, Brando, I had no intention of pre-emptively killin this thread.

Abashed zombie is abashed.

O and iTunes is currently serving up Roger Clyne's "Mexican Moosnhine". Sometimes it just locks into your mood...

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Johnny cannot go undercover. AG met him a week or two ago while in California. AG knows something about him...

MichaelBains said...

I... just... can't... drink........ enough.

{Dick Cheney's Locker... lol!)