Special extra plunder edition!
12) Profiling all eye-patch wearers.
11) Posting “No booty in hull” stickers on ships.
10) Switching their rum with Folger’s Crystals.
9) Requiring all peg legs to have tracking devices.
8) Sending Johnny Depp undercover.
7) Requiring background checks on anyone spending more than $10,000 in doubloons.
6) Threatening to send all captured pirates to Dick Cheney’s Locker.
5) Putting "The Club" on ship wheels.
4) Setting up sting operations at Mediterranean Long John Silver’s restaurants.
3) Suing anyone who ever imitates the speech of, dresses like, reads books about, or watches movies with pirates, thereby endorsing and conspiring to commit piracy (this solution sponsored by the Recording Industry Association of America).
2) Starting neighbaaarrrhood watch programs in the harbors.*
1) Waterboarding suspected parrots.
*Obligatory aaarrr joke posted in compliance with the Pirate Comedy Act of 2002.