10) Dropping “g’s” From Words Ending in “ing” so as Make the Executive Branch Sound More Neighborly and Such.
9) Preserving Stem Cells as Caviar for the Vice President’s Office.
8) Enabling the Federal Emergency Management Agency to Relocate Disaster Victims by Catapult.
7) Requiring Transportation Security Administration to Perform Full Body Cavity Searches on Anyone Who Looks a Little Dark.
6) Mandating That All Books Must Have Cliffs Notes or a Movie Adaptation That Bypasses Actual Reading.
5) Allowing the Drilling of Baby Seals for Oil.
4) Permitting National Security Agency Employees to Interrupt Phone Calls to Ask People to Speak More Clearly.
3) Renaming the Phrase “Global Warming” in All Government Documents to “Freedom Heat.”
2) Altering American Foreign Policy to Comply With the “Suck It” Doctrine.
1) Establishing Federally Protected Status for Caucasian Males.