10) I’m Joe Biden, and I’d like to take just a few hours of your time....
9) This is former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. I’m not calling to endorse anyone, I’m just wondering if I can crash on your couch.
8) I’m John McCain, and I’m here to tell you that I’m...I’m...sorry, my memory isn’t what it used to be...where are my goddamned glasses so I can read this script?
7) Hello, I’m William Shatner. Did you know that you can now cast your vote on Priceline.com—with no poll taxes?
6) This is Cindy McCain. Please stay on the line while one of my servants tells you why John McCain is the best choice for average Americans.
5) [Handel’s “Messiah” plays] Good day, this is Barack Obama.
4) Shalom, my friends. I’m Joe Lieberman. I urge you to get out and vote for a real mensch, John McCain, and for Sarah Palin—what a shiksa!
3) This is the Coalition for Undecided Voters. We’re calling to tell you that we have no idea why we’re calling you.
2) Good evening. This is the Republican Party. We’re going to tell you why Barack Obama will destroy America. If you hang up before we’re finished, you acknowledge that you are a terrorist and will be placed on a watchlist.
1) Hi ya, this is Sarah Palin...no, don’t hang up, it’s actually me. They wanted to give me something useful to do before the election. So, how’s it goin’?
11 comments:
Hello, this is Brando's mother. I'm calling to beg you to convince Brando to return to his Republican roots and vote for McCain. A vote for McCain is a vote for Mom!
Hello, this is Dick Cheney, calling to tell you to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and vote for John McCain, or I'll shoot you in the face.
Hello, this is Eternity.
....
13) Hello this is Chuck Norris telling you to vote for Mike Huckabee or else I'll ... what do you mean he lost in the primary? No one had the guts to tell me the news? I'm gonna kick your ... BEEEEEEEEEEP
14) Hi, this is Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin. We're not really endorsing Sarah Palin, even though it sorta feels like we are."
1) Hi, this is the Economy and America's Reputation in the World. It sorta feels like we're endorsing Barack Obama because we are.
Hello, this George W. calling. They had me hog tied so I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone, but I escaped and I wanted to ask you to vote for McCain, even though he specifically told me not to...
That Sarah Palin one needs to be changed. Something like:
"Hi, This is Sarah!! You betcha! Yanno, that McCain guy is a pretty good running mate, for an old guy. But even if he doesn't win, I am SUCH a good pick for 2012!! Yep, I'm gonna stick around for a few years!! I've already got the wardrobe. But us Palins will probably need a few more things, so stop on by and donate!!
Palin/Wurzelbacher 2012! Wooot!"
Hello! This is Bill Clinton. Please vote for Barack Obama, 'cause if he loses, I'll never hear the end of it from Hillary , on how she coulda won. (& how my big mouth cost her the nomination)
Hello,Satan here.I am calling to ask you for a vote for John McCain. Just between the two of us, I have a lot riding on this guy's election. I even bought a bunch of mortgage backed securities on his (and, in fact, that adorable sarah palin's) souls. I do have some CDSs on the other guys to hedge, but I'll probably be Bear Stearned if they win.
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