10) I’m Joe Biden, and I’d like to take just a few hours of your time....
9) This is former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. I’m not calling to endorse anyone, I’m just wondering if I can crash on your couch.
8) I’m John McCain, and I’m here to tell you that I’m...I’m...sorry, my memory isn’t what it used to be...where are my goddamned glasses so I can read this script?
7) Hello, I’m William Shatner. Did you know that you can now cast your vote on Priceline.com—with no poll taxes?
6) This is Cindy McCain. Please stay on the line while one of my servants tells you why John McCain is the best choice for average Americans.
5) [Handel’s “Messiah” plays] Good day, this is Barack Obama.
4) Shalom, my friends. I’m Joe Lieberman. I urge you to get out and vote for a real mensch, John McCain, and for Sarah Palin—what a shiksa!
3) This is the Coalition for Undecided Voters. We’re calling to tell you that we have no idea why we’re calling you.
2) Good evening. This is the Republican Party. We’re going to tell you why Barack Obama will destroy America. If you hang up before we’re finished, you acknowledge that you are a terrorist and will be placed on a watchlist.
1) Hi ya, this is Sarah Palin...no, don’t hang up, it’s actually me. They wanted to give me something useful to do before the election. So, how’s it goin’?