9) Buzzing sounds from wife’s side of the bed.
8) Foreboding, disembodied head of Paul Krugman.
7) Creeping ourselves out by counting cloned sheep.
6) Weighing whether Cubs World Series championship is worth triggering Apocalypse.
5) Current cardboard house much breezier and pebble-strewn than former foreclosed house.
4) Severe Viagra malfunction.
3) New Starbucks I.V. bag.
2) Gnawing feeling that life is but a series of empty, meaningless actions designed to distract us from staring at the infinite blackness of an uncaring universe/thinking about fantasy football lineup (tie).
1) “President Palin.”