10) Demonstrated foreign policy experience by invading Kamchatka from Alaska.
9) Once dropped a bunch of mescaline and rode a moose naked through downtown Cicely.
8) Our brother, Michael, was the rotating head of an anarcho-syndicalist commune that advocated a filth-based economy.
7) Approved the construction of a tuna factory on the Island of the Blue Dolphins.
6) Advocated the teaching of The Flying Spaghetti Monster along with evolution.
5) Pushed for development of vehicles that could run on burning books.
4) Lobbied for earmarks to build a bridge to Tarabithia before throwing support to more popular Hogwarts projects.
3) Nipples harden at the phrase “abstinence education.”
2) To tell a family secret, our grandmother was Dutch.*
1) Didn’t look under the burka of our running mate until the night before our political marriage.
*not safe for work