Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday Random 11: RNC in the USA

The thing I noticed more than anything else at the Democratic National Convention this week wasn’t the audacity of hope, the calls for unity, or the way the Denver police enforced both hope and unity by arresting anyone who expressed anything else. No, it was the music.

Daughtry covered Foreigner's “Feels Like the First Time,” which was the theme song for the League of First Time Voters initiative—known formerly as the League of Extraordinary People Who Couldn’t Be Bother to Register Without Excessive Prodding. Nothing says “voting is cool” than an American Idol runner-up doing his best imitation of Lou Gramm.

It got me wondering about other Foreigner songs that would have been perfect. What wouldn't fire you up for Bill Clinton like “Hot Blooded”? Or the versatile“Dirty White Boy,” which would have worked for both John Edwards and the entire West Virginia delegation. The media would have expected “Cold as Ice” for Hillary Clinton, but she could have instead given us “Waiting for a Girl Like You,” which the pundits would then misidentify as “Head Games.” And the triumphant, stadium-filling finale, Obama could have come out to a medley of “Juke Box Hero” and “Urgent” so hot, Invesco Field would have burst into flames. Really, what can't you do with Foreigner?

With the Republicans ready to kick out the jams get this party started do the hokey pokey next week, I wonder what songs would be appropriate for their convention. So this week’s Random 11 will attempt to find the soundtrack for the Party of No Change.

1) “Killing” The Rapture. Nothing like scoring a hat trick on the first try. The title of course is the theme of the last eight years. The band name is what that killing is trying to trigger. And it is as annoying and unlistenable as a George W. Bush speech. Perfect for the opening montage honoring the Bush administration.

2) “Dry,” PJ Harvey. The repeated lyric, “You leave me dry,” both works for how many conservatives feel about John McCain, as well as how Cindy McCain probably feels when she sees him naked.

3) “Harden My Heart,” Quarterflash. Lip-synched by Sarah Palin as she discuss all the social programs the Republicans are going to cut, not because they want to, but because they owe it to the poor.

4) “Say Goodbye to Hollywood,” Billy Joel. Playing when the party announces that they intend to put all of Hollywood in detention center and relocate the American film industry to Branson, Missouri.

5) “Gun Sale at the Church,” The Beat Farmers. Delightfully stripped of irony by Toby Keith. This special extended version will include directions to the nearest gun sale.

6) “I’m in Disgrace,” The Kinks. Used during the memorial montage for all those party members who were arraigned before their time.

7) “Back Door Love,” Graham Parker. Piped into every men’s room. Sadly no video.

8) “Don’t Stop Believing,” Journey. There’s no real political purpose for this song, it’s just that when you have that many white people gathered in a sports arena, you better play some Journey.

9) “Lake of Fire,” Nirvana. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our next speaker, Mr. Ralph Reed!

10) “White Riot,” The Clash. Sung a-cappella by The National Review Singers.

11) “Never,” Heart. Sweet Cookie Jesus, let's hope so.

Have a good, long weekend.

8 comments:

Von said...

Wonderful!! Bravo!!

Churlita said...

"...when you have that many white people gathered in a sports arena, you better play some Journey."

Truer words were never written.

almostinfamous said...

10) “White Riot,” The Clash. Sung a-cappella by The National Review Singers.

apparently republicans are quite proficient at stripping irony :)

and the journey comment was GOLD!

Trevor Jackson said...

Hilarious. This one should have gone to 20.

Did anyone else notice that after Bill Clinton spoke, first they played U2 over all the applause and cheering and stage-exititing, and then--I'm not kidding--I heard Robert Palmer's "Addicted to Love."

Somebody either got in big trouble or got away with a very funny joke.

rotten mcdonald said...

It looks like the White Riot comment is a bit prescient, Brando.

Tear gas and riot police. in Saint Paul?

Sweet cookie Jesus, the Mekons won't be able to play "Never Been In A Riot" there ever again.

fish said...

Worst Day Since Yesterday Flogging Molly:

Unofficial campaign song.

rotten mcdonald said...

Good lord, it's like Sideshow Bob in a convention center full of rakes.

Brando said...

LOL, billy, that is a great analogy.