10) Selling our new John Edwards’ Paternity Passer™—it scrubs your DNA while you stump!
9) Telling Dennis Kucinich that he and his wife are welcome, but the woodland creatures have to wait outside.
8) Polishing James Carville’s dome until you can see Senator Clinton’s forced conciliatory smile from a mile away.
7) Fluffing the Super Delegates.
6) Asking CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta to perform a spinal transfer operation on Congressional Democrats.
5) Wondering how they got the Chris Matthews float to look so lifelike, until we realize that’s really his swollen, frothing head.
4) Enforcing the pants requirement at the Anderson Cooper Kissing Booth.
3) Showing how to fight Republicanism with one lobe tied behind our back.
2) Reminding a confused Senator McCain that his convention is next week, in Minneapolis.
1) Forging brass knuckles that spell “CHANGE.”
10 comments:
13) Perfecting new sketch comedy routine for the Daily Show interviewers.
trying to gate crash the high-roller party
(scroll to update section
Where can I order a set of those brass knuckles? I'd like to use them on Mr. O'Bama - fuckin' White Sux fan.
Obama Obama Obama. Don't know why my fingers typed it wrong. Maybe I'm still mad about the baseball team affiliation....
11) Beating the fuck out of Tim Russert while screaming "WHAT'S THE FREQUENCY, MEREDITH???"
#1 was awesome. Very nice.
12) Trolling for new administrative staff.
Trying to determine who will be wearing the pantsuit around here.
No. 9 made my freaking day.
57) Proving that by live-blogging the entire convention, we are relevant and important.
No really.
Stop laughing.
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