10) By inseam.
9) Looking for someone who is more likely to get assassinated than we are.
8) Asking Paula to break the deadlock between Simon and Randy.
7) Holding time trials for falling on swords.
6) Examining the entrails of dead elephants and donkeys.
5) Constructing one out of duct tape.
4) First one to answer the phone at 3 a.m. wins.
3) Strengthening the ticket’s appeal to Evangelicals by requiring candidate to sacrifice first born on Mount Moriah.
2) Picking the one with the most patriotic tattoos.
1) Whoever can capture Vice President Cheney and send him back through the portal to his plane of existence will be the chosen one.