10) Going to the gayest straight camp evar!*
9) Picturing John Podhoretz’s back.
8) Asking to be locked in prison until we’re cured.
7) Channeling our sexual energy into new career in pro wrestling.
6) Rubbing on a little Gay-Away ointment we bought from a religious website...then a little more...just a bit more...oh God, where’s the Abercrombie catalog?
5) Taking a cue from the Apostles and going on a fishing trip with 11 other closeted guys.
4) Using an umbrella when it’s raining men.
3) Joining the priesthood/ministry/Boy Scouts/Army/Navy/Air Force/Marines/NBA/GOP.
2) Marrying Liza.
1) Praying. Really hard. So very, very, very hard. Oh God, where’s that Abercrombie catalog?
*Hat tip to midniter at Republic of Dogs for the inspiration for this week's list.