Special 12-pack edition!
12) Crashing the party of family values, having sex in the closest, and then throwing up on the host.
11) Auditioning for a part on Lost.
10) Making new MySpace friends.
9) Making new TV show about MySpace friends.
8) Threatening to kill ourselves because, even though we make $25 million catching footballs, no one will throw us a hug.
7) Putting $1000 on the Cubs to win it all next year (again).
6) Drawing little hearts with “G.W.B. + C.R.” in the margins of CIA terror briefing.
5) Accepting chat-room invitation to meet an underage girl who calls herself D8Lyin’.
4) Saying we approve of the job Bush is doing.
3) Getting our bills mixed up by making waterboarding legal and royal flushes illegal.
2) Hosting The O'Reilly Factor.
1) Providing a convenient excuse for the kinds of behaviors we’d engage in even if we were sober.