Wednesday, October 11, 2006

McCain Blames President Truman for Current North Korean Nuclear Crisis

SOUTHFIELD, Mich. - Republican Senator John McCain, a 2008 presidential hopeful, went on the offensive against reporters who asked if the Bush administration could have done more to stop North Korea from obtaining nuclear weapons.

Walking from the stage toward the press area, McCain asked, "Do you remember that little thing we had about 50 years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory?"

As McCain approached Charles Babington, the Washington Post reporter who had posed the question, Babington asked, "What does that have to do with the Bush administration's handling of North Korea for the past five years?"

"Imagine how things would have been different today if we had crossed the thirty-eighth parallel," McCain said, his voice shifting into a rising shout, "and pushed those rice eaters back to the Great Wall of China!"

He picked up one of the reporters' chairs and ripped it apart, his voice rising to a thunderous scream as he continued, "Then take the fucking wall apart brick by brick and nuke them back to the fucking Stone Age forever? Wouldn't that have prevented this week's tests? So why didn't we do it when we had the chance? Why? Say it! Say it!"

Babington, recoiling, yelled, "I don’t know!"

McCain answered, his face inches from Babington's, "Because Truman was too much of a pussy to let MacArthur go in there and blow those Commie bastards out! Oh! Oooohhhhh!"

In mid-scream, the senator stopped and stood up sharply, whispering, "Oh." He ran back up the stage and disappeared. After a few moments of confusion, a spokesperson for McCain said the press conference was over.

An anonymous source later revealed that the exertion had caused the 70-year-old senator to soil his Depends undergarments. McCain's office did not return calls on the matter.

4 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

McCain has a scorching case of herpes and ignorance. That's what McCain has.

blue girl said...

:)

scruffylooking said...

Did McCain get herpes from President Truman too? He really does have a lot to blame Truman for.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

What next, he blames Kennedy for African American's having the right to vote?

Can someone issue a fatwa?!