9) Tying story of loaves and fishes to campaign contributions.
8) Going ix nay on the Mormon-ay.
7) Offering to retroactively stone Bill Clinton.
6) Calling for the revival of the Crusades.
5) Revealing “Church” and “State” tattoos on each buttock.
4) Letting Fox News crucify our opponents.
3) Outlining national Manishevitz/Blood-of-Christ exchange
2) Swearing that sanctity of remarriage will not be sullied by gay unions.
1) Promising The Rapture by 2008 or your money back!