10) Shaving American flag into back hair.
9) Using burning copy of the First Amendment to burn down neighborhood mosque.
8) Exercising Second-Amendment rights by using guns to change the TV channel, signal lane changes, light the grill, celebrate goals at youth soccer games, and show asshole neighbor what we really think of his Halloween decorations.
7) Covering the hood of our NASCAR with the Declaration of Independence (between the Sony and BP decals).
6) Converting to Mormonism so we can claim Jesus for America.
5) Agreeing not to have intercourse with an apple pie until after we’ve married it.
4) Telling immigrants how awesome it is to live in the land of the free as we deport them back over the border.
3) Showing support for our troops by definitely really considering the possibility of joining the military at some potential point in the future.
2) Holding in nacho belch while “The Star Spangled Banner” is being played before kickoff.
1) Running for political office with the promise to restore America to its founding values! (minus the burning of witches, enslaving of blacks, exploitation of child labor, eradication of Indians, disenfranchisement of women, and a few other values.)