Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: What misconceptions do we have about our own religions?

Special extended intellectual religious limbo edition!

12) 2% of American Muslims believe blowing themselves up is a great way to meet girls.

11) 28% of female white Protestants believe they can’t have orgasms because they’re not mentioned in the Bible.

10) 34% of Episcopalians can’t believe they’re not Catholic.

9) 38% of Mormons believe they can take an additional spouse as long as it contributes to the story arc of the series.

8) 53% of Lutheran comic book fans believe their religion was formed by Lex Luthor.

7) 57% of Southern Baptists believe that Jesus made the ball go through the uprights.

6) 65% of atheists believe that a lack of belief in God gives them the divine right to be really goddamned smug about belief in God.

5) 69% of male Jews believe that a woman lying with a woman as if she were a man is a sign that G-d loves us.

4) 71% of California Buddhists believe “Buddha” is slang for “weed.”

3) 80% of Catholic Pat Benatar fans believe hell is for children.

2) 87% of Jehovah’s Witnesses believe there is a Ninth Beatitude, “Blessed are the annoying, for they shall pester their way into the Kingdom of God.”

1) 99% of Evangelical politicians believe that saying America has a Judeo-Christian heritage is the same as Americans knowing what the fuck that actually means.

7 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

100% of zombies believe that the Mekons are Saints.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

100% of the MacKenzie brothers believe that Rush is Worthy of their Toques.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

75% of teabaggers believe they can’t have orgasms because they’re not mentioned in the Constitution.

Also, I believe WV is trying to harass me: gropityp
~

Von said...

I'm a #3.

Jennifer said...

85% of Missouri Synod Lutherans and Southern Baptists do not have sex standing up since it's too much like dancing... hence the creation of the lap dance.

Kathleen said...

I am proud of the fact that I scored 100% on that test.

I think this proves I am God.

fish said...

100% of David Lee Roth fans think Catholic school girls should continue to wear uniforms.