10) Screaming white people in intimidating breeches and tricorne hats.
9) Rumor that we will recycle all old people into Korans.
8) Failure to transform unemployed Americans to transform into employable Hispanics, Chinese, or Indians .
7) Audacity of government to rob us of our freedom to become ruined by crushing medical expenses.
6) Repeated attempts to win the blessing of voters least likely to give a shit.
5) Questions about our birth status when we couldn’t produce film of our mother giving birth to us onto a mat made of apple pie, next to an American flag, while a smiling Don Ho sings “Born in the U.S.A.”
4) Inability to articulate a plan to save America in less than 140 characters.
3) Ill-advised strategy of doing our own thinking instead of letting Jesus do it.
2) Constant discrimination against America’s marginalized, silenced, and downtrodden rich people.
1) Proliferation of polls saying that say we’re hurting in the polls.