Extra-volume cold-calling edition!
12) Kissing of babies simply a cover to select the tastiest one for eating.
11) Refusal to get on the scale with a duck proves she’s a witch.
10) Plans to deliver a hefty tax cut to the wealthiest 1% of Americans by showing up at their doors and making them fish the money out of a g-string.
9) Plans to deliver a hefty tax hike to the wealthiest 1% of Amerians by showing up at their doors and making them shove the money into a g-string.
8) Love of Taco Bell belies soft stance on illegal immigration.
7) Participated in a World War II re-enactment wearing a French army uniform, which is just embarrassing.
6) Has never provided an adequate explanation for why all of these homosexuals keep sucking his cock.
5) Lack of marital affairs hints that opponent is hiding something.
4) Job creation plan hinges on most Americans becoming Indian or Chinese citizens.
3) Supports the invisible hand of the free market...in his pants.
2) Kissed a George W. Bush and liked it.
1) Is actually a politician.