Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we recouping our losses?

10) Holding up bank until they agree to buy our house at the price we paid for it.

9) Cutting back grocery expenses by wearing our deluxe cargo pants to the buffet.

8) Putting all our money into Glenn Beck Teardrop Futures.

7) Selling superfluous offspring on eBay.

6) Developing combustion engine that runs on worthless stock options.

5) Leaving behind dead-end field of investment banking for the dramatically explosive growth field of ice road trucking.

4) Draining all that pesky water out of the Gulf of Mexico so it’s easier to recover our valuable oil.

3) Scanning our last $100 bill and printing our way to financial freedom/free room and board for the next 3-5 years.

2) Following the classic Wall Street advice of selling high after buying blow.

1) Setting off hydrogen bomb in the hopes that it resets our portfolio to 2004.

9 comments:

fish said...

Putting all our money into Glenn Beck Teardrop Futures.

He'll just flood the market.

Kathleen said...

ha ha ha *sob*

Kathleen said...

Putting all our money into Glenn Beck Teardrop Futures

it'll just be a wash

Substance McGravitas said...

I've been saying "hey wait a minute" a lot but nobody waits and the minute passes.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Beck has had to take his circus geek act to ever more ridiculous extent, judging by what I see on MMfA.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17a) killing the neighbors and taking their stuff.

Admittedly, it may be jumping the gun on the zombocalypse.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

ZRM, I pointed out in the MMfA comments that zombies were mistakenly left off the list of Glenn Beck's enemies.

(Also, Sink Lettuce and Ghost Melon.)

P.S. The first comment came from a certain rwmacdonald2091, but that shirley is a coincidence.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

pointed out in the MMfA comments that zombies were mistakenly left off the list of Glenn Beck's enemies.

regrettably, there are a fair number of the recently-deceased-yet-still-mobile who view Beck as a facilitator, given that waving gold has little effect on zombie hordes.

Brando said...

Those Glenn Beck tear puns just came pouring out.

Thunder, that list is amazing. Beck is the new Father Coughlin.